Traditions, I've been thinking. Once every year these guys make me go clubbing. They get me into a dress and high heels and I put a sock in my claustrophobia and jump through it all. I enjoy it because it's one night and it's just my girls around me. We've been eating the same things at each others' places for ages and we've been drinking the same things at Fillers since we started going there. Yesterday I baked some hash brownies and we sat and ate them and just sat around some more. There's always this pattern. Go sit at each other's places, smoke eat talk eat eat eat watch TV eat. It's incredible that I'm in a place where I can do this, three long years after school, and have conversations that don't go the remember-when-we way. The reason it's a downright miracle is because it goes against my expectations circa 2008, I thought I was leaving school behind forever and to hell with it but this, I've realised, is as good a remnant as any. In many ways it's better. I have a lot of difficulty placing events within a larger timeframe sometimes - I'm shockingly bad at figuring out whether a year's been good or bad, or if I was happy when I was fourteen, things like that. I don't remember fourteen and it doesn't bother me much, I was probably going through my creature phase. But this, as the most beautiful chunk from a larger mass that has now faded, this is good. We've all been creatures together, I think that pushes our street cred through the ceiling. This might be the last winter we spend in the city talking about making ads and manufacturing "brain drugs" and opening an eatery and becoming assassins and going everywhere and doing everything so you know where this is coming from.

Right, so that's done, I'll go sit in my corner and look stolid now.