I am always oddly touched by enthusiasm at plainly wrong moments, by eagerness in the midst of desultory conversation, by that absorbed look in some eyes, absolute unwavering concentration, things like that. Maybe it's because I'm a vacillator; my love for the world is almost always a selfish two-way affair where I love everything intensely in short bursts and then put it aside and move on to something else. Which is why these few people I know, they constantly astonish me with their ability to love and commit and sustain and rekindle, and they're doing such a damn fine job it breaks my heart. I know it's far too uncool to care hereabouts and I know we're all nonchalants looking for new ways to prove we're freaks but you guys, you know who you are, you guys will always make my heart light up because of these little blinding beams of intensity, for returning smiles and whoops and for breaking all the walls I put up around me. You're all A-class lovers and you know it, there's no need for me to write this except to slowly wrap my head around the idea that I too might in little shaky motions be able to zoom in and focus and stay, always stay.