I try not to write You posts because there's always the possibility of my not having a concrete You in mind when I'm writing them. I might be addressing many Yous, or I might not mean a You at all but a We and that just complicates things so why bother. It's not romantic or schizophrenic, you gather, just claustrophobic. Such a tussle, this indecision about writing to a You or about a You. There's always a time to decide to throw everything in and put one's anonymity to test but this is isn't it so I'm going to have to talk about other things. So many things. It's time the watermelon clock came back, I think. It's time many things came back. Black and grey too. I'm spending all my time on 8tracks and discovering songs to dedicate to a lot of people but it's all being held forth till I can sit down and breathe. Till then, this. Till then, thoughts of August. Sweat on upper lip dirty toes a chilled beer craving, it could be anything really. Signs everywhere, just that misreading might be a slight problem because I'm not here, this isn't happening, that's right, I told you this wasn't a You post. Now do the math.

I still haven't written my paper. I should be having mixed feelings about this but I don't, I'd happily take all my exams tomorrow just to be done with this so that I can walk back in through 4nombor and walk easy.

On an unrelated note, I think a largeish chunk of my life would've been different if I could've just thought up a cool nickname for myself at the right time. Like at sixteen. The people I truly love and who truly know me know that just Priyanka will do, it's the best that can be done because it's not a malleable name and Pinka's just retarded. It truly is, no street cred potential whatsoever. It's endearing at times but it doesn't always come from the right people. I can't remember who came up with it but I remember it being in school and having something to do with my aversion to pink (which has over time mellowed down to an aversion of pastel pink), I suppose I could've tried to live it down but that's just not my deal. Some people call me Kumar and some call me nicer things but there will always be someone calling me Pinka and it's not their fault and it's not like I mind but there it is, just an oversight. Besides, it's not too bad. Much better than the squeals that went with "Peekay class mein aayi hai, dekho."