How to unknot neck? Surprised at how face hasn't turned pasty white yet, but how can I reconcile myself to the fact that I am unbelievably bad at this? Had to Google the Qutb Minar to be able to draw it, I have seen it and stowed it away and remember it fine in my head but my hand does not know where to put in the ridges or which way a balcony curves. I am unfailingly good at agonising over small things to get away from life in general, but how to unknot neck? Someday I will be consumed by a violent desire to just drop things and rest, to settle like jelly, to congeal, to curdle, to just stay put, but till then I will tie myself into knots inside. Cut me open scalp to sole and inside will be this one huge tangled thing, almost Celtic in its ability to baffle, frayed ends quivering at the slightest hint of touch.

Playing Ghost Story by Anoushka Shankar and Karsh Kale on loop, I never liked it before but it's clearly where I am today. Woke up with head hanging off bed and a billowing curtain tickling forehead. Waking up groggy and late on a morning like this (cloudy! stormy! romantic!) is usually tantamount to steadfast gloom for the rest of the day, but had to stretch and run around the house flailing my hands and swivelling my head this way and that in an attempt to feel like everything was ticking right. Result affirmative but doesn't matter anymore, just two more days. Overall though, it's bleeding nuts. All of it. To borrow a line, I've spent the past week underwhelmed to the maximum.

World I love you, don't make me calculate.